Another uncertain night at the hospital
Nothing much to say here. Panic, emotion, and mundane concern for finance. Then, interest in a war movie. Talk about doctors, diets, palliative care. Nurse looked exhausted and frustrated. Plans for another visit tomorrow.
My own emotions today are difficult to describe, or even identify. After a stressful morning, I went home and tried to sleep again. Not much success. Hoping for direct inspiration about what to do, say, or help.
I told Mom that I feel like the "cooler." I am the one who absorbs the free floating vibes and stills them a little. I have nothing to say except, "get better," or "you just need to rest." All cliche, but sincerely expressed.
Caregiver fatigue and anger are real and hardly talked about in common discourse. Heparin, glucose, and blood pressure screens behind his head. Spaghetti wires tangled on his chest and arms. Tear at his eyes, and he looks sleepy. Can't hear or talk, but they say he's getting better.
I've already been to there hospital too many times this month.
14 June 2023
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