Grinding the Gears 

I think I can feel my blogging gears grinding down. I say this because I'm feeling more at a loss about what to write on here, online, than I have before. Maybe this is the result of my not reading as much as I used to? When I was reading novels more regularly, the inspiration to write struck more often. Or perhaps, the revision switch on my brain is stuck in the up position, taking my thoughts and re-working them again and again to create an endless loop where thoughts bloom but action withers, leaving the writing that was to have been dry and unwritten.

More than just occasionally, I would have a dream which would lead me to think about blogging again. Perhaps, I would write about the dream I had where I was searching the town for the antique store, finding an old typewriter there, and then showing a stranger-friend how to operate it or use correction tape to fix the mistakes. Or I would write about the dream where I was searching for the little balls of light hidden in the pools of a garden, collecting them as I lowered myself into the water to swim through a watery park labyrinth. But, my motivation never built itself up enough for me to log online and start typing. I don't know why I never wrote, except perhaps to note how my mental state hasn't been what it should for the past few months.

School was perhaps the biggest stressor. I missed a couple of assignment deadlines and my grade consequently suffered. Frankly, it was a little hard to find the enthusiasm to design a fashion label for a T-shirt or create a recipe page for a cookbook project. Thankfully, I managed to salvage a passing grade in the two classes I was most worried about, but I since I consider myself a good student, I am a bit disappointed in myself that I didn't do better.

There have been a few things that I did that I am proud of during this period. For example, I took a lot of photographs in my effort to be a better photographer. The pictures in this post come from a recent hiking trip that I took in the local woods. It was nice to be in the fresh air and think about things in laid back way. One day, I would like to get a telephoto lens and play around with that, but I'll have to save up for that.

My short term plans for now is to enjoy the summer break and not worry about deadlines for now. I plan to draw more, and perhaps work on my silly comic, but if I don't get around to it, I won't worry. I'm thinking about going to the gym soon too. In any case, I'm going to try and not overthink things and just let myself "be." With the summer, I think I will have more time for blogging, drawing, and the unfinished projects on my plate, so I might have something posted here soon, but I'm not going to force anything either.

19 June 2008