Summer Reflection 

I really should be posting here more often. Despite my good intentions, I seem to let an average of week slip by before I manage to get something new up on the web. Perhaps that is because I haven't really had much to say, or my seemingly inexhaustible supply of complaints about the amount of work I have is boring even me. It seems that during the last couple of months my personal life has reached a state that it seems difficult to sort it out online anymore.

Blue Forest

The biggest factor in my life currently is that I am still trying to cope with the recent breakup with my girlfriend. Add to that a host of personal issues/problems (or character flaws) that influences everything I seem to put my eyes on. Each day there seems to be something new to miss, something else to regret. But not everything is gloomy; in some ways, I am finding small ways to pull out a crevasse of inertia. Metaphorically, I think I am beginning to see the dawn horizons on my overall work problems, a horizon that fills me with a small measure of hope. For example, I am through several chapters of Elizabeth Gaskell's Mary Barton. Even though the descriptions of real life poverty in 19th century England are a little depressing, it feels good to know that I am getting through the work in the field which I have chosen. I hope that things will begin to pick up even faster over the next couple of days.

As a side note to the previous post, I probably will not be taking classes this summer as that might be more of a significant distraction than a help. But in some ways, the new routines I am currently establishing should give me the same help that taking regular classes would.

16 June 2005


In the next couple of days, I have to decide whether or not to take summer classes from the University. The drawback is that I still have a lot of catch up work to do from previous terms, and of course, the summer class would potentially take time and thought away from that effort. But the benefit to this plan, a very tempting benefit, is the money I would get from financial aid, aid which might chase the proverbial wolf from the door for a month or two. (Actually, the money would be part of the aid that I did not use during spring term, so if I don't use this money during summer term, it is gone forever.)


If I took an easy course, perhaps one which required little thought or effort, I might be able to pull it off without any problem. There may not be such a course as offerings are limited and my thinking could loosely be categorized wishful. But, without rationalizing too much, getting to campus on a regular basis may also help me develop a routine, which may also help my effort to get my other work done. I'm still debating the whole thing.

Frankly, my depression has done more to hinder getting work done than the lack of money, but I think things are turning around. I'm still trying to emotionally cope with the breakup with my girlfriend. My stress relieving techniques, watching television and eating junk-foods, is not serving me very well, but I never thought that they would. I still miss her. (Insert a heavy sigh here.)

Tomorrow, I take my bird to the vet which--thanks to the generosity of my sister--is actually possible. The bird's tail feathers, which had fallen out, are halfway grown back in and her injury seems completely healed. It is kind of amazing to see how fast those feathers grow. But now, seeing as it is 10:30, it is time to end this post and put the bird to bed.

06 June 2005