I believe I have settled in for the time being. There is no more moving or shifting of my various material things left to do. Now, I am beginning to establish my new routines. I am not sure what has been really noticeable during the last week, because I suppose I have been too busy to notice anything. The one thing that has been on my mind the most have been the allergies I have been having for the last few days. They are giving me a lot of trouble, to the point where I have a little trouble sleeping.
Perhaps I am having somewhat of an existential crisis. School didn't turn out the way I would have liked, and so my future plans need to seriously re-adjust, but I am not quite sure what direction I want to head in yet. I have been exploring the idea of a future working in the fine arts somehow, but really, nothing seems practical at the moment. It was easy to imagine a future career in research and teaching. It was close enough to taste; I saw it everyday, and to some extent, I was doing it. It is hard to have that kind of vision with an artistic path. Frankly, I think I am still in some of the various stages of grief about the last three years. I'm sure I will eventually work through that grief, but right now, it still feels like I'm far back enough in the tunnel to where the light at the end of it seems rather dim.
03 July 2006
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