I've been on some new medication that makes it more difficult for me to stay asleep. Consequently, I have been waking up super early in the morning, usually around 4:00 a.m. or 5:00 a.m. This would be great, except that I am getting to sleep around midnight or later. I've always had a weird sleep schedule, which I think was due to the swing shift/graveyard I worked at for nine years, but this medication I am on makes the whole eight hours of sleep idea a lot more challenging.
Speaking of medication, because I don't have an income to speak of, I have to signup for a patient assistance program to continue to get this stuff from the corporate guys who make it. I was on campus during the hottest part of the afternoon today getting all the required paperwork filled out and jumping through hoops. The nurse manager, a nice person who seems really overworked, was in charge of all the hoops that needed to be jumped through.
I've had to work with this Nurse Manager before, let's call her R.N. T-----. She's a very nice person, but the last time I met with her, I was sweating from the exertion of walking across the campus on a hot day. After a few minutes, she noted that I was sweating and so she asked me if I was okay. I assured that I was, but while I was filling out forms and such, she left and got me a cold soda. A little stunned, I quietly took the soda and put it in my bag and drank it while walking back to the library. Well, today, the same thing happened again. R.N. T----- looked at me with a look of concern and asked if I was okay. I was sweating again, partly because it was hot and I don't acclimate well to the heat, and partly because the meds I am on make me perspire more. But she was so concerned that she made me take a cold can of apple juice, even though I repeatedly said I was fine. After I filled out more paperwork, I left and drank the apple juice in the car.
However, I have spent the rest of the day wondering if I look like crap, like some kind of human disaster who has just crawled out from under a rock. What is it about me that inspires concern on the part of this woman each time I see her? Do other people notice how I look and think to themselves, "what is up with that guy?" but don't say anything for some reason? I am not going to be too self-conscious about it, but getting feedback about your appearance along the lines of "are you okay?" can affect your self-image for the day. Oh well.
16 May 2006
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