Slow Going and Turning a Corner 

Anyone who knows me, or has seen me in the past couple of months, is probably aware that I have been struggling with depression for some time. It is not really a big deal anymore at this point because I finally have accepted the whole medical/biological side of the whole thing. Yes, there have been some outside circumstances that have contributed to my condition, but for the most part, I am figuring out that the real deal is internal. And on that front, I have been changing quite a bit. I'm not going to say everything I have been doing to make things better, but I will say that I think it is starting to work a little bit.


The evidence for this has been the past couple of days. After a significant relapse of depression that was more intense than usual, I turned myself around. I spent all Sunday cleaning my apartment. That may not sound like a big deal, but the months' worth of clutter I slowly let accumulate was significantly out of control. Today, I went grocery shopping, took a twenty minute plus long walk (to the grocery store), and did a lot of research for one of my overdue papers. I also made myself breakfast and balanced my checkbook. (Of course, I am running out of cash, but I am not going to let that bother me just yet.) While this might seem like a normal day for the average graduate student, it was quite an accomplishment for me. As cornball as this sounds, I am going to be proud of myself. Tonight, I have planned a few more things that should clear the way to getting more work done on my papers. It may be too late to make a difference in the money department, but this next week is also an opportunity that I am not going to let slip away.

27 March 2006
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